Well, what can I say? Thankfully it's Friday! No school for 2 days! Today (aka Rachel), started out in a good mood. By the time I picked her up at 3:05 from school, some things had changed. Or had they?
It was book fair week at school this week. Rachel chose a story about bullies and how to handle them. (I'm now thinking we should have read the whole book...FASTER!) Bullies have been an increasing problem for Rachel at school. Aspies do not understand the social cues the way others do, nor do they always know when to keep silent. We always tell our children to be honest, BUT sometimes I forget to remind Rachel that "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." Of course these 2 rules seem complete opposites to her.
Here goes our afternoon.... Her teacher meets me at my car in the pick-up line at school. I can tell, she does not look like she is happy it's Friday. Everything ran through my mind in speed of light time. I then reassured myself, how bad could it be? No one called me today from the school. Whew. Maybe the teacher was just tired. hmmmm
I didn't have to wait long to hear that there had been an "incident", today. Swallow hard. "What happened?" Teacher says, "well, Rachel damaged some property and will have to repay the other student for the replacement." Uh oh.
Her teacher went on to explain "I don't encourage the children to autograph each other's school shirts, but it was happening some today." O.K. Rachel explained that in "the past tense", when I was in school, we signed each other's yearbooks. But, now, they use their school shirts to write on at the end of the year. Still sounds fairly innocent, but could tell by Mrs. Adkin's demeanor that this was not so friendly.
Mrs. Adkins proceeded to tell me that Rachel had been asked to "sign" a little girl's shirt.
Here is where I will remind you of Rachel's lifelong friend, Mollie! Mollie and her family have always been there for Rachel and she feels fiercely loyal to them, as do I. Apparently, some of the girls were taking sides and picking on Mollie. Rachel just could not ignore it. So, knowing the importance of telling the truth,, Rachel "signs" (not knowing she was just supposed to sign her name) the little girl's shirt, who was being less than nice to Mollie. Rachel said she "signed" it: "Stop doing what you are doing to Mollie." She simply "signed" the girl's shirt & didn't want that girl to pick on her friend.
Well, needless to say, the way she showed her loyalty was "unappreciated" by the shirt owner, (although highly appreciated by Mollie), and the teacher.... She was promptly put in time out in the corner of the classroom. And now will repay for the girl to get a new shirt.
I can certainly understand the importance of respecting other people's property, and understand her duty to replace the shirt, but I must say, the line felt a little blurry to me, so far as explaining how important it is that you stand up for your friends, but in a non-hurtful way. Life is so complicated these days.
Sometimes..."writing the truth, hurts". I am sad that it all happened, but I also think it's kind of sweet, that Rachel loves her friend and wants to protect her. I'm writing about this to show, how Aspies have even more than the normal trouble, dealing with social situations.
We, as parents, need wisdom, above and beyond any norm, to know how to handle these situations and how to train & prepare them for everyday situations. Have a great weekend! Love your friends!
