You've gotta laugh!

      Many times, tooth brushing time is a struggle at our house! I think I have alluded to that before. But to refresh those "charming" memories, with sensory integration problems, it can be a nightmare. The gag reflex, the smell, the touch... you get the picture.. not fun. She sometimes gags just walking into the bathroom, before even touching her toothbrush. I must say, she does not actually throw up much, now! Woo Hoo, that has been such an improvement to the start of our days!
     OK, back to the topic...(it's just nice to appreciate the successes at our house)! So, this morning, Rachel was getting ready to brush & Rosebug (our dog) did something silly causing Rachel to laugh. I then started laughing, which caused Rachel to do her "fake" laugh. Of course that only made me laugh harder, because I was remembering back when... Rachel is 10, now, but about a year ago, she suddenly started laughing when she attempted to brush her teeth. I thought it a little odd, but have learned nothing is really odd, living with an Asperger's child!!! This continued for a while & I figured it was better than tears, so didn't think much more about it.
      It finally got to be time to head to the dentist again (now THAT, is a real nightmare!). On the way, she let me know what a good job she had been doing with her teeth.....She said she had "laughed" almost everytime she brushed...waiting...waiting....(you do a lot of that, trying to figure where their thoughts & words are going), waiting....FINALLY, she announced, "well, the dentist told me it was important to tickle my gums, everytime I brush!".     OH! you guessed it, she "had" to laugh to follow the dentists orders to "tickle" her gums! You've gotta laugh!  ;0)

Black Friday Rachelism

     So, today, we ventured out into the crazy world of Black Friday. I know that's nothing unusual, but, have you ever tried to shop with an Aspie? All we needed was a pair of solid black sneakers for Rachel's school's Honey Bears dance team. They have 3 parades to dance in, coming up in the next couple of weeks. Have you ever tried to find solid black sneakers, with NO logos, etc. for a girl?
     We were trying to avoid the Christmas crazies, seeing as how, Christmas is not really on my radar, yet. Anywho, thought you might enjoy this...Rachel asked if it was Halloween.?....Long pause...I asked why?...She was afraid of the beautifully dressed mannequins at Macy's. So, I waited a few more seconds...and asked why?  "Because someone cut their heads off!".  Yep, that's our Black Friday, but hey, think of all the money we will save, being unable to go in a mall!
    Happy Belated Thanksgiving! We all have so much to be thankful for...a.k.a. our sense of humor and our family & friends! I thank GOD, I am not in this world alone!

Thankful for Good Days/Times

     First, let me apologize for slacking on my blogging...these last few weeks have been particularly trying at our house & at Rachel's school. An Asperger's parent doesn't have the time or "luxury", if you will, to be sick or feel bad. (Which most often means illnesses drag out, due to little or no relief.)
     Rachel's aggression has reared its trying head! She has gotten into some "unacceptable" behavior at school. The difficulty with Aspie's (one of them) is their inability to interpret their peer's intentions, acceptance, feelings... you get the picture. The social ques are just not seen, to put it simply. This has resulted in Rachel getting into a "fight" at school. Needless to say, ughhhh.... It's so difficult to help them realize how other people feel & what other's expect...they have a very different interpretation, than the "norm", socially.
     She happened to have a Dr.'s appointment on Tuesday, which was good timing for us. Unfortunately, her Dr. is relocating, so we get to adjust to a new one...She was somewhat helpful, but gave some honest opinions of our situation. It is frightening thinking of the potential future, but that's where taking life one day/ or even one hour at a time will hopefully continue to help not getting & staying completely overwhelmed. And, there is nothing like prayer and faith. I cannot imagine facing this life without God's love & grace.
      The doctor brought up the subject of those "wonderful" hormones kicking in & basically said to expect things to get more trying. She's only 10 & I know her little body is changing, but yikes!! Worse?
     Asperger's  predominately affects boys. All of the people I know that have children with this diagnosis have sons. I would love to be able to talk to a parent of an Aspie girl. If you know one, please, send them my way, particularly if they have already survived this phase. Anywho... life has not been all bad...she continues having Rachelisms on a daily basis. I will share some with you soon.
   And, next week, her Nana, my mom, is coming to be with Rachel, while I escape to Chicago for a few days. THANK YOU MOM! Did I ever tell you, I have the best Mom & Dad in the world? Well, I just did & I mean that with all my heart. I am so blessed, which also means Rachel is so blessed. I know they will have a wonderful time of sharing. Rachel is sooooooo excited (So am I & thankful!)!!!
     Nana & Papa are an integral part of Rachel's village! Can't wait to have mom here!
   

Rachelism - Gift

     Today has been a difficult day. My good friends' brother died on Thursday, and it has knocked the wind right out of my sails. Ray was like an uncle to Rachel; we loved and adored him. So I've been a little/lot lost in my thoughts and not thinking, in, clearly, Asperger's ways.
      But I was brought back to literal thinking a few minutes ago. Rachel had gotten on the subject of Christmas and family gifts. I explained to her that the last 2 years, the Goodpasture family had drawn names at Thanksgiving for Christmas gifts. Silly, silly, me!
      Rachel disappeared into her bedroom for about two hours. She came out smiling and looked so proud. I asked her what she had been doing, so quietly for so long. She then held out a spiral notebook, filled with the names of everyone in the Goodpasture family, AND their dog's names (Scout, Trooper & Rosebug), "DRAWN" beautifully, for Christmas. Now, how did I not see that coming?
      It did make me smile. The purity of thought and innocence....I'm actually wishing Christmas was that simple. After all, she did spend time and energy, thinking of and creating for those we love so much! It was her creation of love!    ;0)

Priceless Friendship!

       It's said "A picture speaks a thousand words." So in this post, I want to share with you how Rachel views friendship, by way of pictures. 

This is from Rachel's school journal, September 13th of this year, "How to Become a friend". 

(I will go ahead a quote it, in case you have trouble seeing it:
"A good friend is truthful, shares, thoughtful, and stick together.
I did all these things to become Mollie's friend.
You can do it too.
Look at Mollie and me.
Drawing.
That's how you'll look with a friend.")


     Mollie is Rachel's BFF! They have "known each other since birth. Mollie was born 13 days after Rachel. Here is one of their earliest "friend" pictures including another of their friends, Melody.


Sharon with Melody, Me with Rachel & Carrie with Mollie

 Friends make life bearable. Aspies need and want friends, too. Much of the time, it is hard to tell about their actual feelings and interpret their social skills, but one thing I do know, is Rachel adores Mollie! Sometimes it can be a little different to have an Aspie for a friend, but I am thankful Mollie has been there for Rachel. Rachel went to home daycare at Miss Carrie's house. We went to church together. Last year, Mr. Enck (aka Mr. Tim-Mollie's dad) was Rachel's 3rd grade teacher. This year...Rachel is in the same home room, with Mollie! They enjoyed dance classes together with Miss Kristi, for about 6 years.



Rachel & Mollie at Dance Recital  May, 2008

 Friends are priceless. I am thankful for Mollie, her ability to love, as well as her whole family. We love you, all 4! Tim, Carrie, Michael & Mollie, our world is such a better place, because you are in it. These are some important people in the village "raising" Rachel! Thankful for God blessing us with these friendships!

Changes!?!

      Oh, the month of October... supposed to be a fun fall month...at the end of this month, comes "Halloween"...a time for bobbing for apples, hayrides, parties, trick-or-treating dress up fun...eating candy til you're stopped or just can't....
      At our house, it's a little different. Rachel looks forward to dressing up almost all year. That's the part she likes (costumes, as long as there are NO tags, only soft, "non-itchy" fabric, nothing binding...)  But when the big night comes, she FREAKS out. Now, I'm no fan of scary things, by far, but she is TERRIFIED of other people being dressed up, especially any kind of mask, not to mention actually frightening costume OR even decorations. So, we don't get passed a couple of doors before she is screaming & begging to go home.( Jim's been such a good sport & accompanied us several years, making it more fun for me.) The sad thing is, when we get home, she doesn't want to open the door for anyone in a costume.  (although last year, she watched Jim give out candy at his house!?) So we just crash at someone else's house, or come home and keep all the porch lights, etc. off, to keep trick-or-treaters away. I can't imagine how frustrating it is for her to be so excited about getting dressed up & then the reality of not being able to deal with the festivities.

   
This photo is from 4 years ago...once we made it home, she was happy being dressed up with Rosebug!

        So now, I pretty much just plan on comfortable costumes for her & the dog each year & try to not expect anything other than a dress-up night. After all, the holiday is supposed to be fun, NOT torture for the children OR parent! Changing my expectations has made a big difference in both of our happiness factors. Change is not bad, just different. I remind myself, of that, MANY times a day! I know change is easiER for me, but unbearable for those with Asperger's.
       The fears were brought to my attention in a big way, one day 2 weeks ago. We were at Michael's, shopping for things to decorate her hat for "Race for the Cure", coming up this weekend. I had not been thinking about Halloween decorations, etc. before entering the store. We picked up some pink paint for her hat & made it halfway through the store, BUT one of those movement sensored decorations went off. It was a gauzy-ghost creature moving, with eerie sounds... Rachel SHOT like a ROCKET, screaming down the aisle. I set the paint down & went to find her. NO Rachel. Pretty soon, several others were helping me look for her. I finally thought to check outside...that's right, she had screamed & run her way right out of the store. Needless to say, I had to go back for the paint another day without her. And by-the-way, have you noticed EVERY store this time of year has these types of "decorations"? I cannot go into the pharmacy, grocery, large chains, restaurants....at all with her, this month. But, November will be here before we know it.
      Change is NOT an option (for the most part) for Aspies, but a requirement for family and friends of those with Asperger's.

Part Hound?

      So, this morning we were heading out LPGA Blvd, west, toward Rachel's school. It suddenly looked EXTREMELY foggy.... or was it smokey?... it soon became evident it was smoke. After a bout of coughing and traveling a little further... I said "I wonder what is burning?". To which Rachel said "it smells like someone cooked their bacon too much". If it had ended there, I would not have gotten a big laugh. Next, she says: "I am positive it's coming from this side (she pointed right).....or else it's coming from that side (pointing left)." This is so typical. After we both laughed (she was laughing at me, laughing at her observation & prediction) I asked her why she said both places, to which she answered her obvious... "I have 2 nostrils, you know?"... By that point, her eyes were "leaking", as she calls tearing up, from laughing. (By the way, the smoke was actually blowing from the right.)
     This brought to mind one of her other "obvious" declarations. We were in the car one day and Rachel said she smelled water. We were quite puzzled, but couldn't resist asking what water smells like. She thought and thought and finally said..."it smells like ice". True enough. This was before she knew that frozen water is ice. This is just an example of how keen her senses are.   ;0)
      Sensory integration problems are common in Asperger's. When she was younger, and occasionally now, she would spit out, or even throw-up if there was/is a seed in her strawberry yogurt. She still has problems with brushing her teeth, as her gag reflex is so sensitive. There are times, when she gags just walking into the bathroom, before attempting to brush her teeth. For a long time, she would throw-up almost every time we attempted to brush. She has made some progress in that area, but still has problems with it. Unfortunately, it's not something that can be skipped.
     I write all this just to let you know how sensitive these children can be... whether it's to smell, taste, touch, sound, sight/light, temperature... I wish I had known what I know now, when she was much younger. When she was a baby & until recently, she would scream, like she was being scalded, every time she got a bath. We finally noticed she did better when the water was at room temperature or cooler. She is the same about her food, preferring room temperature to warm. I can't imagine what it's like to be so affected by everything in our world. And with more limited communication skills, the frustration of it all is pretty easy to understand.
     So, if you are in need of someone with a good "sniffer", don't bother calling for a hound, just call a Rachel!