"NO".... What do you mean?

     Daily "battles" & confusion with an Aspie....
So... this morning, we are preparing for a wonderful Sunday, of worship and no school, of course! As I am making up my bed, today, I ask Rachel (as I have to do everyday-part of the routine) "Have you folded up your bankets"?
    Not a hard or unusual question, you would have to agree. Unless, you are trying to communicate with an Aspie! Rachel answered my question with a loudly yelled "NO"! ....keep calm...keep calm...it's not the answer, but the way she answered. She screamed "NO"!
     I found my diplomatic, but frustrated question..."what do you mean, NO?". To which she informed me..."I don't have blankets...I only used ONE blanket."

     Oh, the difference one letter can make to an Aspie & those communicating with them. She was not trying to be "ugly", just ACCURATE! Enjoy your Sunday!

Inspiring poetry for families of "Differently-Abled" Children

 |   Wanted to share with you 2 poems regarding raising our special children. And honestly, ALL children are gifts from God, special & unique in their own ways. Hope this gives you encouragement, as we walk this life, knowing that God is in control!


WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved


"I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a
disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique
experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like
this......


When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy.
You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful
plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may
learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.


After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your
bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess
comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."


"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm
supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."


But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and
there you must stay.


The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible,
disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just
a different place.


So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new
language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have
met.


It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than
Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath,
 you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has
windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.


But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all
bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of
your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what
I had planned."


And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the
loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to
Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely
things ... about Holland."




The Special Mother
Quoted by Erma Bombeck     * not sure of the author


"Did you ever wonder how mothers of disabled children were chosen?
Somehow I visualize God hovering over the earth selecting his instruments of propagation with great care and deliberation.   As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.
"This one gets a daughter.   The Patron saint will be Cecelia"
"This one gets twins.   The Patron saint will be Matthew"
"This one gets a son.   The Patron saint.....give her Gerard.   He's used to profanity"
Finally He passes a name to an angel and smiles.  "Give her a disabled child".
The angel is curious.  "Why this one God? She's so happy"
"Exactly," smiles God.  "Could I give a disabled child to a mother who does not know laughter?  That would be cruel!"
"But has she patience?" asks the angel.
"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of sorrow and despair.   Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it.   I watched her today, she has that feeling of self and independence that is so necessary in a mother.   You see, the child I'm going to give her has his own world.   She has to make him live in her world and that's not going to be easy."


"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you"
God smiles, "No matter, I can fix that.   This one is perfect - she has just enough selfishness"
The angel gasps - "Selfishness? is that a virtue?"
God nods.  "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally she won't survive.   Yes here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect.   She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied.   She will never take for granted a 'spoken word'.   She will never consider any 'step' ordinary.   When her child says "Momma" for the first time she will be present at a miracle and will know it.   I will permit her to see clearly the things I see...ignorance, cruelty and prejudice...and allow her to rise above them.   She will never be alone.  I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as if she is here by my side"
"And what about her Patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in mid air.  
God smiles "A mirror will suffice"

Allison is a Disney Character! Really?

      So, this afternoon, we made a routine stop at the pharmacy for meds. Rachel has come home the last 2 days early from school, with headaches/seizures.... Just one of those weeks, I guess...
      But, as usual, there is always something to make me smile when Rachel is around. We were in our usual position...I was standing, waiting "patiently" for her medications & she was sprawled out in the massage chair at the pharmacy. She finally got her coordination together enough to awkwardly walk to the counter with me, without help.
     There was one of those photo card displays by the register. And there was an attractive young blond girl in a blue dress on one of them. Rachel said "I think I know her"....Of course I responded with "Who is she?". She said the girl looked like "Allison". So my mind is racing to all the Allisons I could think of. I asked if it was Allison S. from church...."no". How 'bout my cousin Allison, that is "hanging" on our fridge? "NO!" I have to back out of this guessing game & ask directly who Allison is.
    And, silly, silly me was not expecting her "obvious" answer..."She's Allison Wonderland!".

The Obvious (but what is NOT for an Aspie?)

     This morning started off in typical form. Getting showers, medications, readying for school...Routines are so important. Even changing the order of Rachel's medication can throw the entire day off! She was excited about turning her 4th grade Social Studies' Project in today.
     We got in our car and started to school. We listen to the same morning radio program each day on the way. Our station has a daily "DQ"- "Darned Question".
     Rachel always has the obvious answer & today was no exception. Here's the question: "You change your undies everyday, your oil every 3 months, your smoke detector batteries, 2 times a year...What should you change once a year?". Hmmm. There were several guesses, such as your password on your computer... Rachel couldn't believe no one could figure out the clearly obvious answer. Without even a blink, she said: "you change the number of candles on your birthday cake"...then, her eyes got really big as she said: "that is a trick question, because you also should change your calender once a year".
    I tried calling in with her answer(s), but fortunately for me, the line was busy. But I did send an e-mail to the morning DJ, Leslye on Magic 107.7, regarding her funny, but true answer. They actually read it on the air & enjoyed her simplistic observation. I wish she had still been in the car to hear it. FYI- the eventual "correct" answer was to change your ATM pin number once a year. (Kind of glad she wasn't in the car to hear that answer, as that would have led to an endless conversation, that would never have been understood.)
     Thought, you, too might enjoy a smile with this Rachelism! Have a great weekend!
     

Mockingbird by Kathryn Erskine -a must read

     Wanted to share with you an exceptional book! I was recently at the beloved Davis-Kidd bookstore closing sale in Nashville. Above the many treasures I found heavily discounted, was a recommendation by the lady checking my piles of books out. She noticed several books on special needs/ Autism... And out of the blue, asked me if I had read Mockingbird, yet. After telling her I had not even heard of it, she informed me it was about a young girl with Asperger's, and continued on, telling me how much it changed the way she understood Asperger's and differences in thinking. That was enough for me.

   They were already sold out, but as soon as I got back to Florida, I went to Barnes & Noble & found this treasure! If you are interested in a good read, this is one! (it is currently on sale at Barnes & Noble on-line) I read it in an afternoon. Could not put it down until I finished it! Although it is fictional, the author did a lot of research on Asperger's & completely nailed it! I felt like I knew this little girl, Caitlin. And I also realized I'm not alone in raising an Aspie. Although there are a wide range of characteristics, some things are just "black and white"! I am sharing a quote from the author's website regarding/introducing the book.

              "MOCKINGBIRD  (National Book Award, 2010)

 In Caitlin’s world, everything is black or white.  Things are good or bad.  Anything in between is confusing.  That’s the stuff Caitlin’s older brother, Devon, has always explained.  But now Devon’s dead, and her father cries a lot.  Caitlin wants to get over it, but as an eleven-year-old girl with Asperger’s, she doesn’t know how.  When she reads the definition of “closure” in the dictionary, she realizes that is what she and her father need.  In her search for Closure, Caitlin discovers that not everything is black and white--the world is full of colors--messy and beautiful, and it is through this discovery that she embarks on a road which leads her to find both healing and Closure."

         If you do get the book & read it, I would love to get your take on it. And, if you have any other books that you recommend, please share them with us. Thank you for your support & encouragement!

Confusion at Church

    Oh literalism, you have again caused Rachel confusion & me a difficult time, trying to help Rachel understand symbolism.
     Rachel's lifelong buddy, Mollie, was recently baptized. It was so very exciting to learn of Mollie's decision & her desire to serve Christ. I was out of town when it occurred, but Mom was here with Rachel & happily went with Rachel to Beville Road Church of Christ to witness & rejoice with Mollie & her family!
    Mom had already told me about it, and when I got home, Rachel began sharing a little about it. She kind of dropped the subject (which never happens with Asperger's, as they go on & on..... for hours, days, even weeks & months about things, completely obsessing).
    I was somewhat relieved that she had shared, but did NOT obsess. Silly me...while I was thinking she had moved on to other current events, I was suddenly made aware that she was still pondering Mollie's decision. Rachel, finally, one day said: "I think it would be good to be a Christian, but I don't want to eat a person."!
    How do you explain that the Lord's Supper is "symbolic" to someone who does not understand or think in symbolic terms? All this time, at church, & she thought we were cannibals. After a long talk, I still am not sure she understands the symbolic/substitute factor. All of this I'm sharing to let you understand how many of the things we take for granted, can be so baffling to an Aspie!
    While I'm on the subject of church...I am reminided of how many terms, adjectives, etc. I need to use when describing things to Rachel. After several people that were greatly loved passed, the subject of heaven came up, time after time. Rachel knew that it is going to be beautiful, perfect, great, happy...But one day, she caught me by surprise, when she asked me if "heaven was a good place?". After I reassured her & we talked a while, she informed me, that no one had ever said "heaven is good". She was needing to hear it worded like that. I'm just thankful that she asked me, instead of continuing to think it was not good, simply because she had not heard anyone state it with the word "good". Words are important to everyone & I have been reminded, there is no way to overclarify with an Aspie!

"Gross"...Harry Potter?

   Oprah was on last Friday, at our house. She was doing an interview with the one & only J.K. Rowling. She is the tremendously successful author of the Harry Potter series (fyi- for the possible 1 person on the planet unaware...). Rachel happened to be walking through the room, when she said "Yes, Harry Potter IS gross.".
    O.K. Under normal circumstances, I would choose to ignore that comment, but when you try to interpret what an Aspie says, it actually made sense. Rachel heard Oprah quoting how much Ms. Rowling had "grossed" from her Harry Potter series. How else could she possibly interpret that? I just laughed quietly; briefly tried to explain the meant meaning & finally, just decided to let that one go. Some things are more trouble to explain, than what the actual difference is, anyway!
      (No, she has never read them or seen the movies, but just the movie trailers led her to believe Harry Potter is "gross".)